“Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning’s sample it would be a Twinkie…thirty-five feet long weighing approximately six-hundred pounds.”—Egon Spengler

The dimensions of Egon’s hypothetical Twinkie seem inconsistent. I estimate that a six-hundred pound Twinkie should only be about 6.4 feet long, while a 35-foot Twinkie should weigh about 50 tons! Now that’s a big Twinkie! In general I'd expect an x-foot Twinkie to weigh about 2.34 x³ pounds.

Nor are such mammoth Twinkies mere mathematical fantasy! In 1980 the Continental Baking Corporation produced a 10-foot, 1.3-ton behemoth to celebrate the snack icon’s 50th Birthday. This Birthday Twinkie’s dimensions in fact corroborate my formula, which predicts that a 10-foot Twinkie should weigh 1.2 tons.

Still skeptical? Then estimate for yourself! Here are the measurements I used. Length of an ordinary Twinkie: 9.9 cm. Mass of an ordinary Twinkie: 36.4 g. I assumed that the shape and density of a Twinkie are independent of its size, an assumption which—I admit—may be a bit hard to swallow. Carl